Coming of Age

         Last month was a special period of my life. I was one month away from my impending exit from teen hood to adulthood. And like all insecure and vulnerable teenagers, I felt like something was missing. Through out my teenage life, there was a label of dissatisfaction and unaccomplishment written all over it.I was never that good in sports nor would I ever be likely to disprove Einstein's Theory of Relativitiy anytime soon. I felt as if my prime had passed with a whimper. There I was, vertically challenged, and on the wrong side of 10. With no more than a month before I enter a new period in my life, I was determined to do something that not many people at my age in life would consider doing. By the time 1st year University was over, everyone around me left in the droves back to the comforts of home and into the hands of  safety and regularity. It took only one January night to change that. My friend and I were talking about where to travel and visit in the US and Canada; Michigan, Pennsylvania, NYC,Boston, Montreal,Ottawa, Toronto. Then, both of us just thought, "Why not just go in one big circle ?". With 500 US Dollars sent on Paypal for housing and transport fees (which was enough for half the trip requiring another 300++ for tickets in Canada as well) , an adventure of a lifetime had awaited. I was going to visit a place that most people saw only from TV shows and movies. I was finally given the opportunity to see with my own eyes and not from the eyes of a camera how a nation lives and breathes. How a nation thinks and speak. How a nation sees and feels. The United States of America was ripe for my taking.

        A month has passed and the only way that I could describe the trip was insightful and refreshing. I had gone through 14 states (US and Canada included), visited more than 15 Universities in the US and Canada, talked to dozens upon dozens of people. To summarize, here are some of the insights that I've found along the trip.

The Trip !

1. Backpacking requires a lot of preparation.

The early perception that I had of backpacking was shallow in truth. I thought it would be as simple as picking up a bag and tying your shoe laces for a long marathon with breaks in between. Little did I know that backpacking, like any other travel activity required a lot of detailed planning.And most importantly of all, a MAP of where you were going. Walking around aimlessly in the French city of Montreal sounds fantastic on paper but once your in the thick of it, with no shower for a whole day and not enough money to eat, it can get really frustrating. Thankfully, my partner in crime and I were smart enough to use our smartphones Global Positioning Satellite to find ourselves around.

In addition to that, backpacking also takes a toll on your psychological health as well. Like all great travel experiences, there will be times of immense euphoria (Chelsea winning the Champions League !) coupled with moments of despair and worry (friend goes missing and bus leaves in half an hour ).But for what its worth, the experiences all add up balancing each other out and making you a much wiser person. It makes you appreciate whatever good things you've had before and take heart from other less pleasant experiences.

Pure Elation at Times Square !

2. The beauty of humans lies inside

Let me just say that it's not a secret that human beings are individualistic and serve their own interests. Everyone is, except for those certain few who go above human nature and learn to become selfless and caring individuals. Through out my trip, I've met many types of people. Good, bad, inspirational, all kinds really.  In Pittsburgh, I met a pizza shop owner who on first sight of meeting you, gives you a free slice of pizza.This man had a simple business policy
"No money, no problem , you can have the pizza now and you can pay for it later "

Meet Joe. Pizza.Owner.Pittsburgh hospitality

Conventional businessman or entrepreneurs would have their knickers in a twist. This was never written in any " How to be a successful entrepreneur for Dummies " book nor why should it be. The man cared more for his customers well being rather than his own business. He might not sound like a millionaire businessman, but he does sound like an amazingly caring and thoughtful human being !

During one stop of our trip in Philadelphia, we stayed with a young woman. Okay technically speaking, she was an septuagenarian but from her vibrancy and life, she could give all the supermoms in the world a run for their money ! We met her just shortly after 1 am on a warm, dark Philadelphia night. We were flat-out tired after our bus trip and the first thing we did with her was go on a night tour of Philadelphia. As I sat on the backseat of her Honda  trying to make meaning out of the places and words she was saying, I was just in awe of her youthful cheer and enthusiasm. There I was, a young so called `energetic` boy losing the battle of staying awake to a lady 3.5 times older than myself. It was funny then and it still is funny now thinking about it. But then again, she traveled the world twice.YES ! SHE TRAVELED THE WORLD TWICE !
While staying at her home in the Philie suburbs, we got a chance to listen to her stories of travelling the world and looking at some amazing travel souvenirs. She had everything from old figurines to the most eloquent of fabrics such as our own Kain Batik because she visited Malaysia in the 70`s before. What I gained the most from meeting her was that, you can`t be static.There is no end in life until the old ticker stops ticking.Keep going, keep travelling, keep meeting new people. Somehow, even the most irrelevant things you learn might serve you well in the future. Learn to forgive past mistakes and accept yourself, your never too old to forgive nor too old to learn. There is always time. And for that, Thank you Judy Becker !

What else do you do on a Friday night ?
Good Company.Good Food.Good Conversation
That sounds just about right

Along my travels, I had also met a Muslim man.He was tall, strong and had a menacing figure of a bouncer. He wore a traditional African male green long dress which resembles a jubah. What was special about this man was that, from his complexion you could be sure that he was African American, yet from his genetic code he told us he was also Chinese ancestrally speaking. My friend and I were gobsmacked with that finding and inquired further. More than half an hour passed by and we discussed issues from the Obama administration to what color the Prophet peace be upon him was. He shared us his theories about the great caliphates being black and the story of how the African man was forced to change his identity,religion and language for the sake of a white man needing someone to wash his clothes and dishes. His presence has taught me one thing, don't judge a man for what he wears or looks like, because underneath the external features, you could find a treasure trove of insight and wonder.

Mr Rasyid and the amazing Cheesesteak !
(Travel partner wiping some awesomeness from his chin as well)

The next man I met by far takes the cake. His name was John and he would be hosting us in Maine.It was originally my friend who found him online on a website called Couchsurfing. Couchsurfing is essentially a new way of travelling, it encourages users to experience a new place from the perspective of a commoner and not merely as a tourist.What you have to do is just create an account on the website and write letters to people if they would be willing to host you in the place your visiting. Once its all said and done, you would then have free accommodation and a new friend in a new place. How great a deal is that ?!

We met John at the Portland Bus Terminal. He looked around 60, but from the firmness of his handshake he could have been around our age. Upon meeting him, we learned of his background of working in Korea as an officer and had the privilege of looking at some of his treasured war medals. John is not an average American to say the least, he loves to travel and is very knowledgeable on a wide range of issues regarding religion and life. Before meeting us, he also went on a backpacking trip of his own and traveled Morocco and the southern part of Spain. Interestingly enough, the reason why he wanted to visit Morocco was to go to this one mosque called the Hassan II Mosque which is the largest in Morocco. One of John's most amazing experience that he shared with us was when he was lost in Alaska for 2 weeks. 10 days of which, he had no food. When it came to Alaskan adventure stories, I thought about Christopher McCandless and his unfortunate journey into the wild. Yet, once I heard his story, suddenly that thought left my mind and now I actually had a guy that I could literally ask how was it like to be lost in the Alaskan wilderness. Mind you, it was not a walk in the park.To survive, he relied on some of his military skills for example, pick a point at the horizon, move there, pick another point, rinse and repeat. After surviving his ordeal, he was praised by the survival experts on his plan of action. He inculcated in me the rope a dope tactic, normally used in boxing. In layman terms, the tactic is to wear your opponent down and finish him once he's tired and frail. Muhammad Ali used this tactic to great effect against George Foreman to knock him out in the 8th round in Rumble in the Jungle. Youtube it if you don't believe me. John taught me a lot of interesting things. We conversed a lot about truth and life. He is a man of great experience and full of wisdom. Not to mention, he also gave me an insightful introduction into the NBA world and influenced me to start supporting the Boston Celtics in this season's NBA playoff. Go Rondo !

John Cloran and le friend

Note: Sadly Boston Celtics did lose to Miami Heat during the playoffs a few weeks ago, but whenever I think about basketball. The first thought will be of Rondo dribbling past 2 players and working a blind pass for his team mate to dunk it in. Class

3. Travelling is not merely just taking pictures

When travelling I think people make the mistake of taking way too many pictures. Since the Camera was invented, people had a way of sealing once in a lifetime memories. Im sure that many of you will probably find some black and white photos of your parent's wedding or great grandmother lying around the house. Photos are a great way of sealing those once in a lifetime moments. And let me emphasize on moment.These days, with air travel being more accessible to people than ever before, it is very easy to say "I want to go to Morroco" and be there in 3 months time. With that in mind, I think the emphasis of taking pictures during travels should be shifted to something more everlasting.

But ?
What is more everlasting than a photo ?
The experience and people

Ever since the camera, we tend to devalue our experiences and relationships we have with the place that we are travelling. That is where people mostly lose out. What I have observed while travelling the cities is that every place has a different feel to it. New York feels like a big stage with its big props and tonnes of extras walking all day.Ann Arbor feels more like suburbia with its many housing communities and small eateries. New Haven is exactly like what the name suggests; lots of greenery infused with rich American culture; museums, learning institutions and the first burger stall ever made. People must embrace the feeling of each city to truly feel what's it like to be a part of the community. As they say " When in Rome, do as the Romans do". With that in mind, my partner and I made no mistake as we literally ate our way across America savoring the tastes of what each city had to offer. We've had everything from Chicago's wonderful deep dish pizza to Boston's steamed Lobster. Generally, we didn't really eat that much throughout the trip but when we did, it was heavenly.

Deep Dish Heaven !

Lobster and I

Now that I am 20, this article means something to me. Its a reminder, hopefully not just for me but for anyone who reads this. Don't waste time; figure yourself out, find your passion and love your close ones like you never loved before. It took me 3 weeks and 43 thousand kilometers to realize that, and dare I say, it was one of the most exhilarating moments of my life.





    

Status Update 2

It's been a while since I've been blogging. Let's just say that I've been busy keeping up with the joneses in regards to academics and other trivial aspects of university life

I've made a few big changes in my life. In regards to people and how i conduct myself. I can say that it definitely was not easy.The pain of disconnect between heart and mind is a reality and if that alone was not difficult enough, imagine doing so while preparing for what i think was the most packed 7 days of my life here, with midterms and assignments due 24 hours apart.

Im relieved that I managed to scrape through that part of my life and now, life seems simple again. No more complicated emotions, just

My pen, My thoughts, My aspirations

And that my friends, is wisdom

Status update

1st term grades are up
and im pretty pleased with my efforts :)

Initially, just a 3.0 because people keep saying how difficult it is here
Now, lets see how far I can go next term :)

The Inconvenient Truth

New Years Morning in Malaysia
1)Waking Up and getting ready for the day
2)Head to mamak with family
3)Enjoy a nice ghee thosai with milo ais on the side

New Years Morning in Canada
1)Wake up and get ready
2) All Coffee Shops are closed on New Years Morning
Tim's Y U NO OPEN !
3)Retreat back to home base and enjoy dates and a kitkat bar with seniors

I'm really starting to miss the Malaysian mamak scene ! Endless Food ! Anytime ! Anyplace !
Be thankful guys !

So far, its been a pretty uneventful New Years Morning. To be fair, its only 10 am though XD

I've been looking through some of my friends wall posts this morning and I came across a very interesting video of what the kids back home are up to. For New Years Eve, they planned a reenactment of one of the scenes from V for Vendetta. If 2011 was the uprising of the protester, could 2012 be the year of glory for the oppressed ?

Anyway, this kind of got me thinking. I'll be 20 this year, and the following year, I'll be of the legal age to vote.Im starting to understand why people say that 'Ignorance is bliss'. Previously before, i could care less about politics in my country and whats going on because i play no part in it. But now, its dawned on me that I can't be ignorant. I can't anymore ! Soon I'll be given the power to change my nation and as a result the accountability of how i used my power to change my nation for better or worse.

Can you imagine that what you vote now will change how your children will live in 10,20,30 years !

Its a frightening prospect really, how do you pick whats best for you and best for your children ? Which is better and which is best ?
I have to start considering these things from now

My 2012 will be marked with the loss of ignorance and innocence

Post Mortem: University Life:Part 3 Individual Growth

The 4 year Master Plan :)
In theory waking up every morning to this is SUPPOSED to make me motivated everyday right ?
In practice ?
Not so much

Its good to write down what you want, but to actually force your sinew to get up and do it ?

That requires A LOT of willpower and determination

So in this section, i'd like to talk about something close to my heart.

Expectations:
To be perfectly frank, I was going to post this on new years eve but I've been procrastinating for quite some time. I've been pondering what possibly could i write to help myself and help you, the reader to understand him/herself better.
I guess one thing I could say is, be prepared for change and embrace things. Change is by far one of the most intimidating words in my book, its the unknown,the unseen.That second before you click 'display academic results' happens. It might be delightful or it might be heartbreak.I think most of us can agree that no one likes to be left hanging on the balance, that feeling of insecurity and uneasiness kills all of us inside.

So in my case, i knew i would change, maybe change quite a lot, but for better or for worse ?

Studying in Canada kinda represents my transition from young adolescent to young adult ( honestly, i still feel like an annoying kid though, lol). From maybe 50% of personal control to 100% total freedom. To some it might feel liberating, (which it honestly is !)but after having it for a while. Boy oh boy, its a big weight on your shoulders. With nothing in your way, you can be whatever you want to be. WHATEVER you want to be. You could make the news today, either for something good or for something bad. Its totally up to you.

Reality:
Canada is a really great place, im not saying that because of the setting and all, its the company I'm with i guess. As much as we say peer pressure doesn't affect us, you know those
"Bro A smokes and Bro B does this and that"
and then, you with the utmost confidence say
"Nah, i wont turn into them"

I want you to take a moment and ponder,
Where are you ? , What are you doing ?
Who are your friends and where are they now ?
Where would you be without your friends ?

I realized now that for some reason, wherever I go, He's always there to take care of me. It might not be in the way you expect it,but help is always available. There was a reason why you were destined to go to A to study at B to meet with C. It just happens sometimes.You can't really plan it out on paper or anything. When the opportunity arises, absorb it, learn it, grow from it.

Surprisingly, living in Canada has made me much more religiously connected. The environment here is much more open, friendly and less judgmental. You don't feel inadequate when you don't know certain things and people here truly try to help rather than those 'condemning help' you see back home. Back home, I felt as if something was missing in religion, so i didn't really pay too much attention to it. But here, for some reason, i find it a lot easier to go to the mosque,to fast once in a while. Maybe its finding the essence of Islam and that feeling of what it's really like to live in a country where your not the majority.

And i think it would be unfair if I did not acknowledge the people who im with too. Not only just my brothers and sisters, but everybody from my floor mates, to my club mates, family, friends. Im grateful to be placed in such an inspiring and helpful community of people. Everyone here has that fire and drive to make things happen and i for one, need that kind of motivation to keep going. For me, everyday is an opportunity to do great things :)

Another thing I wanna talk about is how open university life is. As in, you are not stereotyped or pigeon-holed into anything. You are free to live your life as whatever you want it to be.
For me, im really taking this time to reinvent myself. To discover my 'Element' and really find my talents and skills. U of T has a really good variety of extra-curricular clubs. You can find anything from Toastmasters ( join! its fun :D), Archery, Rock Climbing, Socialists, Cooking and etc. From the seniors I've met so far in the last year, the one thing they said they regretted was not taking part in all these clubs and societies. Anyone can get a 4.0,but can anyone get a 3.8 with a distinguished toastmaster status and a kick ass job at some consulting firm in Canada ?

So please, make these 4-5 years THE BEST OF YOUR LIFE !

Observations:
1. Starting habits are hard, but once they're in your system, they stick really well
2. It takes roughly 2-3 weeks to get a habit in your system
3.100 push ups is difficult, but not impossible :)
4.Everything starts from you, no initiative, no change
5.Don't allow negativity to seep in you, always say otherwise
6. You can learn a lot about yourself by mixing with different people and doing new things
7. Take a moment in your day to think, 'what am i blessed with today' and you'll be surprised with what you should be thankful for

Post Mortem: University Life Part 2: Academia

Im not saying that I don't shower alright, that ode goes to my Eng Sci mates and perhaps the Electrical's too XD

So what about U of T Engineering ?
1. Canada's most prestigious Engineering School
2. Internationally recognized
3. Located smack-dab in the heart of the city
4. Also known as "Skule"
5. When entering, you have a sort of initiation which involves you kissing a horse's genitals supposedly so that you won't fail any subjects during the semester. ( so far so good XD)
6. You will be in the company of many many many bright, talented and ambitious students
7. We have Leaders of Tomorrow (LOT for short) which is a leadership program made by engineers for engineers. Open to all years and its pretty active too.

Expectations:
People always tell me that University Life for an engineer will not be a cakewalk. And what more, if your in one of the really really big universities. My seniors told me stories of even though your in one of the best universities, it does not necessarily mean that your education will also be one of the best. Your class sizes in first year will be around 100+ people and some lecturers are just some PHD students who probably don't really have that much of a passion in teaching. Looking at how grades are given here also throw me back to the days of high school where its literally just 1 midterm and 1 final plus minus a quiz or two. It is not as liberal as the Canadian Pre U system which gives you multiple chances to do well. So you are expected to perform very very well for those tests. Another thing to keep in my mind was that most of the people that came here were actually more prepared than we were. CPU only scratches the surface of Tertiary education. It only gives you the most basic (and sometimes the most important) skills and tools you need to succeed in University. What basic skills and tools DO you need you might ask ?

Reality:
I've been here for quite some time and all I can say is that being an Engineer is about learning how to learn. I feel that the syllabus for our engineering courses ( and i think for other engineering schools as well) are purposely made difficult for students to understand. Its done that way because it forces us to learn things in a different way. Even if you barely passed all your courses in the next 4 years but provided you understand how to learn and relearn things, then your engineering education has been put to good use. Throughout the term, you will go through a series of great euphoria coupled with sometimes manic depression. That's how i went through the term. Sometimes you feel so happy because you understand what your doing and your grades are in your control. The next, you just feel like being invisible and lifeless because everything just seems so hard to grasp and no one is there to pull you up. I'm gonna STRESS on the fact when i say develop a good SUPPORT SYSTEM !
Make friends. Make a lot of friends. Help them and share your time with them. Because in a place where its described as "Heavily encourage personal responsibility and independent-learning", you WILL be left hanging many times in your studies and you will need help from friends. Not only that, they also will become an outlet for those depressions and " I feel like im dying, kill me now ! " moments. Oh and some of them know how to cook really good food ! XD
All in all, so far the 1st term was more like revision of CPU + SPM so it wasn't that bad. Out of all the subjects i took last term, only 1 was completely new. I understood the majority of what we we're learning but not all. Im expecting the 2nd term to be hell because i think i know perhaps less than 1% of the courses being taught.

Observations:
1. Friends are very important, make as many as you can. Be truthful and honest to them. Try your best to help them out. The least you can do is brighten their day with a smile or honest conversation :)
2.Khan Academy has saved my ass so many times this term, its a really good source to learn new concepts and refresh old ones.
3.Pre-reading makes a big difference before lecturers, they really do ! It psychologically prepares you for what you'll be learning in class which is a big help when you wanna digest some weird complex theory 5 % of the world knows but only 1% truly understand and can act upon it.
I was a skeptic at first, but ever since trying it out, its been such a big help ! dont underestimate the power of Pre-reading !
4.Whenever you feel down, don't hide behind the curtain but rather do the opposite and open up. The reason why we're down sometimes is because we focus too much on ourselves. What im saying might be counter-intuitive, but it really really helps that when your opening up, always make it your priority to not only be heard but to also LISTEN and understand what your conversation partner has to say. The cure for depression is not the act of revealing your emotions but rather having a different perspective of things which opens up your head. That works way better than sleeping. Though sleeping is also important too !

Thoughts about the past year

1.Its hard to control emotions. Hating and jealousy can be entirely subconscious sometimes. It takes a lot of willpower and determination to change those thoughts. But it can be done

2.Letting go is sometimes the most painful but the most liberating experience of all

3.You can hate something or someone deeply and it feels good. It makes us feel that we have been wronged by others and as a result forces our thoughts to focus on that particular persons fault rather than our own. Hatred feeds on the feeling of expectation and entitlement, which as a human being, cannot be expected with others. In the end of the day, you realize hatred is a self-depreciating emotion.It eats you up and makes you arrogant with a righteous disposition, which is much worse than arrogance itself

4.Judging is a subconscious act. Sometimes it just happens. You don't intend it but it pops in your head like how memories or words pop up when you converse with others. You cant prevent it from happening but you can definitely prevent it from getting in your head. And honestly, ever since being here, i feel that people of my faith sometimes judge others more quickly than others do. Not all but the large majority which worries me.

5. With the right people and support, you can do anything ! For the last 19 years of my life I have never felt this level of acceptance and understanding in my life. I'm surrounded by such breathtakingly wonderful people who are beautiful inside and out. Regardless of which, they have always been very welcoming and are always willing to teach me how to become a better person which i will continually do in my life

6.I'm a sponge. Admittedly, I'm not the brightest tool in the shed but I'm the type that absorbs things from people.I would consider the main reason why i was able to do well for the last few years is my ability to easily absorb what other people know and use it to understand what im doing. I've always been surrounded by such great people, I always learn something from these people by just being right beside them. I hope to share what i know to people someday and make them better individuals too. The virtuous cycle as they say

7. I know I have this untapped potential, but im not sure how to get it out. Sooner or later, it will though. I'm positive

8. Nothing is set in stone unless you want it to be. God changes the fate of those who want their fates to change. Life is an open book and we're free to write whatever we want and that is exactly what i hope to do in the following years

9. Always assume the good rather than the bad of people. People can surprise you sometimes with their generosity and sincerity.Don't make it a habit of thinking too much of others intentions, always say thank you and keep on good terms with everyone