Post Mortem: University Life:Part 3 Individual Growth

The 4 year Master Plan :)
In theory waking up every morning to this is SUPPOSED to make me motivated everyday right ?
In practice ?
Not so much

Its good to write down what you want, but to actually force your sinew to get up and do it ?

That requires A LOT of willpower and determination

So in this section, i'd like to talk about something close to my heart.

Expectations:
To be perfectly frank, I was going to post this on new years eve but I've been procrastinating for quite some time. I've been pondering what possibly could i write to help myself and help you, the reader to understand him/herself better.
I guess one thing I could say is, be prepared for change and embrace things. Change is by far one of the most intimidating words in my book, its the unknown,the unseen.That second before you click 'display academic results' happens. It might be delightful or it might be heartbreak.I think most of us can agree that no one likes to be left hanging on the balance, that feeling of insecurity and uneasiness kills all of us inside.

So in my case, i knew i would change, maybe change quite a lot, but for better or for worse ?

Studying in Canada kinda represents my transition from young adolescent to young adult ( honestly, i still feel like an annoying kid though, lol). From maybe 50% of personal control to 100% total freedom. To some it might feel liberating, (which it honestly is !)but after having it for a while. Boy oh boy, its a big weight on your shoulders. With nothing in your way, you can be whatever you want to be. WHATEVER you want to be. You could make the news today, either for something good or for something bad. Its totally up to you.

Reality:
Canada is a really great place, im not saying that because of the setting and all, its the company I'm with i guess. As much as we say peer pressure doesn't affect us, you know those
"Bro A smokes and Bro B does this and that"
and then, you with the utmost confidence say
"Nah, i wont turn into them"

I want you to take a moment and ponder,
Where are you ? , What are you doing ?
Who are your friends and where are they now ?
Where would you be without your friends ?

I realized now that for some reason, wherever I go, He's always there to take care of me. It might not be in the way you expect it,but help is always available. There was a reason why you were destined to go to A to study at B to meet with C. It just happens sometimes.You can't really plan it out on paper or anything. When the opportunity arises, absorb it, learn it, grow from it.

Surprisingly, living in Canada has made me much more religiously connected. The environment here is much more open, friendly and less judgmental. You don't feel inadequate when you don't know certain things and people here truly try to help rather than those 'condemning help' you see back home. Back home, I felt as if something was missing in religion, so i didn't really pay too much attention to it. But here, for some reason, i find it a lot easier to go to the mosque,to fast once in a while. Maybe its finding the essence of Islam and that feeling of what it's really like to live in a country where your not the majority.

And i think it would be unfair if I did not acknowledge the people who im with too. Not only just my brothers and sisters, but everybody from my floor mates, to my club mates, family, friends. Im grateful to be placed in such an inspiring and helpful community of people. Everyone here has that fire and drive to make things happen and i for one, need that kind of motivation to keep going. For me, everyday is an opportunity to do great things :)

Another thing I wanna talk about is how open university life is. As in, you are not stereotyped or pigeon-holed into anything. You are free to live your life as whatever you want it to be.
For me, im really taking this time to reinvent myself. To discover my 'Element' and really find my talents and skills. U of T has a really good variety of extra-curricular clubs. You can find anything from Toastmasters ( join! its fun :D), Archery, Rock Climbing, Socialists, Cooking and etc. From the seniors I've met so far in the last year, the one thing they said they regretted was not taking part in all these clubs and societies. Anyone can get a 4.0,but can anyone get a 3.8 with a distinguished toastmaster status and a kick ass job at some consulting firm in Canada ?

So please, make these 4-5 years THE BEST OF YOUR LIFE !

Observations:
1. Starting habits are hard, but once they're in your system, they stick really well
2. It takes roughly 2-3 weeks to get a habit in your system
3.100 push ups is difficult, but not impossible :)
4.Everything starts from you, no initiative, no change
5.Don't allow negativity to seep in you, always say otherwise
6. You can learn a lot about yourself by mixing with different people and doing new things
7. Take a moment in your day to think, 'what am i blessed with today' and you'll be surprised with what you should be thankful for

Post Mortem: University Life Part 2: Academia

Im not saying that I don't shower alright, that ode goes to my Eng Sci mates and perhaps the Electrical's too XD

So what about U of T Engineering ?
1. Canada's most prestigious Engineering School
2. Internationally recognized
3. Located smack-dab in the heart of the city
4. Also known as "Skule"
5. When entering, you have a sort of initiation which involves you kissing a horse's genitals supposedly so that you won't fail any subjects during the semester. ( so far so good XD)
6. You will be in the company of many many many bright, talented and ambitious students
7. We have Leaders of Tomorrow (LOT for short) which is a leadership program made by engineers for engineers. Open to all years and its pretty active too.

Expectations:
People always tell me that University Life for an engineer will not be a cakewalk. And what more, if your in one of the really really big universities. My seniors told me stories of even though your in one of the best universities, it does not necessarily mean that your education will also be one of the best. Your class sizes in first year will be around 100+ people and some lecturers are just some PHD students who probably don't really have that much of a passion in teaching. Looking at how grades are given here also throw me back to the days of high school where its literally just 1 midterm and 1 final plus minus a quiz or two. It is not as liberal as the Canadian Pre U system which gives you multiple chances to do well. So you are expected to perform very very well for those tests. Another thing to keep in my mind was that most of the people that came here were actually more prepared than we were. CPU only scratches the surface of Tertiary education. It only gives you the most basic (and sometimes the most important) skills and tools you need to succeed in University. What basic skills and tools DO you need you might ask ?

Reality:
I've been here for quite some time and all I can say is that being an Engineer is about learning how to learn. I feel that the syllabus for our engineering courses ( and i think for other engineering schools as well) are purposely made difficult for students to understand. Its done that way because it forces us to learn things in a different way. Even if you barely passed all your courses in the next 4 years but provided you understand how to learn and relearn things, then your engineering education has been put to good use. Throughout the term, you will go through a series of great euphoria coupled with sometimes manic depression. That's how i went through the term. Sometimes you feel so happy because you understand what your doing and your grades are in your control. The next, you just feel like being invisible and lifeless because everything just seems so hard to grasp and no one is there to pull you up. I'm gonna STRESS on the fact when i say develop a good SUPPORT SYSTEM !
Make friends. Make a lot of friends. Help them and share your time with them. Because in a place where its described as "Heavily encourage personal responsibility and independent-learning", you WILL be left hanging many times in your studies and you will need help from friends. Not only that, they also will become an outlet for those depressions and " I feel like im dying, kill me now ! " moments. Oh and some of them know how to cook really good food ! XD
All in all, so far the 1st term was more like revision of CPU + SPM so it wasn't that bad. Out of all the subjects i took last term, only 1 was completely new. I understood the majority of what we we're learning but not all. Im expecting the 2nd term to be hell because i think i know perhaps less than 1% of the courses being taught.

Observations:
1. Friends are very important, make as many as you can. Be truthful and honest to them. Try your best to help them out. The least you can do is brighten their day with a smile or honest conversation :)
2.Khan Academy has saved my ass so many times this term, its a really good source to learn new concepts and refresh old ones.
3.Pre-reading makes a big difference before lecturers, they really do ! It psychologically prepares you for what you'll be learning in class which is a big help when you wanna digest some weird complex theory 5 % of the world knows but only 1% truly understand and can act upon it.
I was a skeptic at first, but ever since trying it out, its been such a big help ! dont underestimate the power of Pre-reading !
4.Whenever you feel down, don't hide behind the curtain but rather do the opposite and open up. The reason why we're down sometimes is because we focus too much on ourselves. What im saying might be counter-intuitive, but it really really helps that when your opening up, always make it your priority to not only be heard but to also LISTEN and understand what your conversation partner has to say. The cure for depression is not the act of revealing your emotions but rather having a different perspective of things which opens up your head. That works way better than sleeping. Though sleeping is also important too !

Thoughts about the past year

1.Its hard to control emotions. Hating and jealousy can be entirely subconscious sometimes. It takes a lot of willpower and determination to change those thoughts. But it can be done

2.Letting go is sometimes the most painful but the most liberating experience of all

3.You can hate something or someone deeply and it feels good. It makes us feel that we have been wronged by others and as a result forces our thoughts to focus on that particular persons fault rather than our own. Hatred feeds on the feeling of expectation and entitlement, which as a human being, cannot be expected with others. In the end of the day, you realize hatred is a self-depreciating emotion.It eats you up and makes you arrogant with a righteous disposition, which is much worse than arrogance itself

4.Judging is a subconscious act. Sometimes it just happens. You don't intend it but it pops in your head like how memories or words pop up when you converse with others. You cant prevent it from happening but you can definitely prevent it from getting in your head. And honestly, ever since being here, i feel that people of my faith sometimes judge others more quickly than others do. Not all but the large majority which worries me.

5. With the right people and support, you can do anything ! For the last 19 years of my life I have never felt this level of acceptance and understanding in my life. I'm surrounded by such breathtakingly wonderful people who are beautiful inside and out. Regardless of which, they have always been very welcoming and are always willing to teach me how to become a better person which i will continually do in my life

6.I'm a sponge. Admittedly, I'm not the brightest tool in the shed but I'm the type that absorbs things from people.I would consider the main reason why i was able to do well for the last few years is my ability to easily absorb what other people know and use it to understand what im doing. I've always been surrounded by such great people, I always learn something from these people by just being right beside them. I hope to share what i know to people someday and make them better individuals too. The virtuous cycle as they say

7. I know I have this untapped potential, but im not sure how to get it out. Sooner or later, it will though. I'm positive

8. Nothing is set in stone unless you want it to be. God changes the fate of those who want their fates to change. Life is an open book and we're free to write whatever we want and that is exactly what i hope to do in the following years

9. Always assume the good rather than the bad of people. People can surprise you sometimes with their generosity and sincerity.Don't make it a habit of thinking too much of others intentions, always say thank you and keep on good terms with everyone

Post Mortem: University Life (Fall Y1): Part 1

So lets see,
Arrived in late August
Started in mid September
Finished in mid December

The End.

If only life was that simple. Honestly, time-wise it felt that way. But trust me, so many things went on besides that.

So in this post mortem, i'll break it down into a few sections namely, social, academic and individual experiences.

Social Experiences

Expectations
The exciting feeling you get when starting uni is like getting a yes on your first date. Pulsating at first but heart wrenching along the way. Your away from the constraints of family and strict rules.
Where the sign 'anything goes' like on those garage sale ads really does mean ANYTHING GOES. You have a lot of personal freedom here, its refreshing really. I could not go to class, don't do my assignments. go smoke weed. anything really. there are no direct consequences from your actions. Its more of long term effects. So in terms of my social experiences, i expected firstly a lot of interesting people and lots of interesting social situations. In a country where modesty and shyness dominate the social atmosphere, here its more of a " I can do whatever I want and if you don't like it, I don't really care" atmosphere. The environment is definitely a lot different than home. I was considered average or just slightly short at home, here, compared to the average 18 year old Tim Horton's drinking, ice skating Canadian, I feel like one of those lawn gnomes standing awkwardly at your mom's garden. It might be a challenge to penetrate the circle, but I have 4 years to try so meh.

Reality
Surprisingly, or unsurprisingly if you've watched a lot of HIMYM, Canadians are nice people.
And no, I doubt anyone would be that nice if you punched them in the gut a few times Barney. But as a whole Canadians are a nice lot of people. But i do admit, overcoming the cultural barriers proved to be a bit of a problem. Don't you just hate it when you do something perfectly acceptable in your culture and then there's that awkward stare down moment. Like "What are you doing ?, You don't wanna chill with us" type of look. It wasn't about beer or anything, I just didn't want to interrupt the girl talk they were having. (Girls act different with testosterone around them.FACT). But I guess you could say that's when I learned that people here are more open and accommodating compared to back home. And one thing, in North America the hierarchy of starting a conversation goes something like
1.Celebrity
2.Pretty Girl/ Handsome Guy
3.Interesting Girl/ Interesting Guy
4.Asians
This is not taking into account all 4 can be 1 person, and without taking into considerations of height and ability to play guitar (Guitar= Instant Sex Appeal)
As westerners say of Asians that we 'supposedly' study like no tomorrow, we have to take the initiative and bring the conversation to them. And one thing that i know that Asians have to stop talking about is this:
" I did badly on the last test ! "
" How was your last exam, I bombed mine "
And the instant annoyance they get when you do thrice as good as them. I get annoyed too as an Asian sometimes ! haha
Bad conversation starter. PERIOD !
Another thing I learned here i guess, as different as we all are. We are all the same.All of us need affection and acceptance. We all have our own battles to face. We all are looking for something in our lives, whether it be a friend to play Call of Duty with, a person to study with, a girl to express ourselves too. Its a long road, but its paved with great adventures along the way.

Observations
Canada is like a box of fruit loops, there is just so much diversity around here. I can honestly say that I've talked to pretty much everyone from the different continents. ( Okay, maybe not Eskimos but you get the gist right ! ) And its amazing how different people have a different way of doing things. I swear when i talk to a girl from South America, samba music suddenly turns on and somewhere in the room, a dance floor opens. Maybe I should start taking samba classes ! XD
But in all seriousness, being in Canada has made me appreciate the large variety of cultures we all have.

Finding equilibrium

So its roughly been a week since I've been in Canada

It feels great living in a different place, but I just cant help but loathe being here
Not because of the place or people or anything
Just because of me

I just feel so useless now, i sit around do nothing at home which may sound fun when im busy but its absolutely killing me. Killing me, that i haven't gone out with any other people except my own. Killing me that i haven't had any new experiences. And it just hurts when i see people trying something new while i live in the confines of my comfort zone and stability.

These 4 years are literally my last 4 years of being me. I realize that by the time we all leave our education years, we've been filled up with so much shit, that we just completely lose ourselves in the world. With work, with family, with so many other things. Im proud to say im different than everybody else and the fact that i'm sitting here, doing absolutely nothing, kills me !

I intend to live life with no regrets. Do EVERYTHING in my power and let God do everything else for me. I rather live in a fast and stressful environment rather than a relaxed one primarily because i know i will always adapt and make it through. I may not be the brightest tool in the shed but I damn well have the longest battery life amongst them all.

I get restless thinking about the future. About everything, about the things i did and the things i didn't. Im worried, not of what i'll be but what i wont be. I missed so many things in my childhood. I missed being the class monitor. I missed being a student body president. I missed having a relationship with anyone. I missed having my own surprise birthday party (i just suck, mind you) I just missed so many things, i feel like an empty barrel filled with nothing but the air of my tongue. It just is not working

I want something new. I want something different. I choose to make mistakes now rather than repeat them later in my life when the stakes are higher and the rewards are smaller. I just want to feel alive ! Live with something ! because it just feels empty. really really empty now

Oh despair, let me find you so i can literally kick you in the nuts and let passion and I take over from now !

The last day of many other days of the next 4 years of my life
I may not like each and every day of them, but what i do know is, I will take these 4 years to fulfill my destiny. Not to live with fear, but live with a passion and vigor that people who have nothing else to lose have.
Because i know I have EVERYTHING to gain, and NOTHING to lose.

T-minus 13 ?

Salam and a very lovely day I bid to all.

Its been quite some time since I posted anything on my blog. I've been reading up what my friends were thinking about and I have to say, I feel quite refreshed now.

Sometimes, routine (doing different things everyday is a routine too ) can be about as interesting as watching paint dry.

I've been trying to really make the best of the whatever time I have left here in Malaysia.
Been reading up and observing lots of things lately.

Malaysia is a really relaxed country. The land is wide and vast. You can do whatever you want here. Take a stroll, Ride a bike, Climb a hill. Its just so geographically diverse. Coming back from Singapore, I've come with a better or at least balanced view of my own country.

I went to Singapore for the weekend last week. It was great to have an extra man in the family (primarily because he likes to travel and pay for food, haha). Initially, I thought i knew Singapore like the back of my hand, but when i went out and literally got lost in the concrete jungle, I was awed and mystified as to why i've never seen these places in SG before.

The highlight of the trip was the light show at Marina Bay Sands. It was the perfect end for a perfect day for sight-seeing. Seeing how the fine spray of water projecting itself high into the air. The almost holographic like pictures and videos of life in Singapore plus the magnificent view of Marina Bay. I was left with one thing in mind

Will I ever be able to enjoy these things again ?

Please share your toys

As a young boy, i admit i might have been slightly greedy with my things. Like the typical last child
" He always gets what he wants and no has never existed inside his vocabulary"
I remember those days when i used to literally make all my toys 'magically disappear' when my cousins or nephews came to visit.

" Play Station ? mana i ada (when i actually did and it was actually under the table), i datang rumah you je baru main "

"oh okay, nanti kita main dekat rumah aku"

"okay ! "

*does the cheekiest fat kid smile you could think of. imagine how a fat boy would feel when he's falling into an ocean of vanilla ice cream. THAT CHEEKY !

So yeah, i wasn't really good with sharing things.

But you know, 10+ years on, i realized now what it really means to share your toys

Lets take the example of toy story 3


(spoilers, if you haven't watched it. Go Watch it Now !! )

So in the final scene, through all the troubles the toys go through to stay in touch with Andy. Eventually, Andy painfully but willingly donates his toys to this young girl.

Now take a step back and think for a minute
Would I in my life donate my favorite toys to some girl who i honestly don't know and honestly have no idea how she would take care of my toys. She could as well be the meanest girl in the neighborhood and bite of the heads of all my beloved toys ?

But then again,
we have to consider Andy's age. Andy in the 3rd movie is already an adult. He is already going to college. He has already matured as a man and has developed concrete thinking and decision making skills. Would he still require Woody, Buzz and Jessie ?

Would it be fair if Andy had kept the toys and took away the rights of that girl to learn from these toys ?

These toys had served Andy well by giving him happiness,hope and dreams. Since Andy already has all these things with him, why must he keep the toys when other children might need it more than him so that they too would also develop their hope, happiness and dreams.

Friends are like toys. We play, laugh and learn with them. They are our closest companions, the ice to our cream and the chocolate to our chip. They make our hearts shine and our minds open. They gives us hope when Barney has gone home or when Cookie Monster has gone back into his trash bin.However, we must always remember to share the gifts we have. We must give other children the same opportunities we had so that they too will become happy,hopeful and full of dreams.

It is by sharing, that we truly can learn more about ourselves and of others too.

So that is why i believe that:

We must share our toys for the benefit of others and ourselves

Even when it hurts

Realization(s)

Its been a very heavy 5 days. Am literally physically and mentally tired.
So many things on, so many things said
its a bit too much honestly

But, i did seriously learn a lot of things about myself

A LOT

What do we really need in life ?
What is a necessity and what is a luxury ?
What truly is necessary and what is truly just a guilty pleasure ?
What is a real purpose and what is an agenda ?

I found those answers in these 5 days
and im
very very thankful :)

not just for the camp
but for everything
the people
the experiences
the lessons

I find it amazing how people can find happiness in such sorrow

It makes you wonder,
if we already have everything, then why are we so unhappy ?

Literature with those "Aha !" moments intact

"Literature is Boring "

Everyone keeps saying that, and that's probably because;

People see literature normally as a tool to improve language.
"It increases your vocabulary "
What good would anyone in today's planet get by learning the word 'rood', 'hyperion curls' and 'argal' ?
Seriously, if i was born in Shakespeare's time, maybe i could use it to pick up girls but in today's world, the only thing anyone would 'pick up' while reading this is a Panadol and a glass of water because, Shakespeare literally will boggle your mind.

Even with that said, I believe Shakespeare's contribution in the work of English and theater are unparalleled. Who would have thought that the story of 2 'star-crossed lovers,destined to be together but due to 2 old guys who really hate losing, they are meant to be apart ' would make for good storytelling. I feel for the news we are forced to read everyday, its always either;
a)murder
b)conspiracy
c)sex
d) MURDER, SEX AND CONSPIRACY

Who comes up with these headlines ?
Its like these newspaper companies think were all a bunch of hedonists, smoking weed and banging cars and any other object in sight

Getting back to the topic of literature, I find it hard to understand why a book which opens with " I am a sick man... I am a spiteful man. I'm an unpleasant man. I think my liver is diseased " could even be remotely considered as something literary. This is something which you might find in a 15 year old goth chick or goth boy's blog, but honestly,
"I think my liver is diseased " ?
Sir, I believe your opening words can cure stupidity and at the same time cause mental retardation.

If your anything like me, stories are a nice place to get lost. I've been lost in a few exotic places, namely New York, Dublin, Alaska, a communist farmhouse, somewhere in the ocean, purgatory even. You meet so many people, I had a brief chit-chat about ducks with a New York Cab Driver (eventually he got tired and left me on the sidewalk, Jerk !) . Talked to a prostitute (and no, nothing happened !). Met a pimp with an inclination to grab you in the wrong places ( he had issues with me i guess, that's why he did that). Saw a party of pigs hanging out playing poker, eventually regressing into a fight of oinks and beer bottles. Talked to a lion which came from India who for some reason could speak really good French and likes a good Meerkat

So you see, Literature ain't boring. I mean it ain't as boring as, I don't know Quantum Mechanics XD

You just have to let your imagination run wild and perhaps wear protection if necessary :)

Reflection

Its been a week without Facebook. I must say it has been such a treat to be able to leave the digital world for the real one.Honestly, i didnt manage to complete everything on the list but in the end of the day, the effort and intention were more important than some 'list'. It was in these 5 days that i've really learned a lot about myself and others as well. All my past stories, all my past memories were clear and intact, giving me the clarity i needed to share my stories with those lucky few that were lucky enough to see me this week. Being given the opportunity to tell those stories and experiences had relieved me of my emotional baggage into the black hole off peace and traquility. I feel refreshed and much better than before. I suppose I grew up in these few days. Heck, im actually starting to gain weight ! For some reason, my 7 or 8 year old appetite popped up again and now im happily enjoying wolfing down a few plates nasi goreng kampung and ayam tandoori.

I've learned in this past week that, maybe, JUST maybe, i can relearn to trust and love people again.For the past few years, i really lost hope in humanity. I thought no one was going to go out with me, till eventually someone did. And that moment alone, that feeling of being proven wrong really made me think twice about people. I have to say, the last outing must have been personally one of the best outings and one of the most memorable ones i've had. We managed to establish that level of connection which some books describe as ' total isolation from the world '. My tongue was as dry as a desert, I haven't talked that long nor that much to anyone in such a long time.

I believe it was Randy Pausch that once said, " Theres a good side in everyone, you just have to keep looking ". I really couldnt relate to him, till the most amazing thing happened. A very informative text message was in my inbox and the best part was, it was so out of the blue, it was such a surprise to me that someone was looking out for me. Someone was nice enough to send me a text message about really important stuff. I felt that human connection once again, that human feeling. that i got your back feeling. U of T will be the most challenging 4 years of my life but judging from these signs, its good to know that i'll have a few eyes to look out, a few ears to listen out, a few shoulders to lean on and a few hands to hold for those 4 years.

Im ready to smile
Im ready to move forward
Im ready to live again :)

Post Mortem: Sem 2 (Part 2 of 2)

The second chapter of this post mortem deals with what went right, or the things that i believe helped me do well this past 2 semesters

If there was one thing that i'm thankful for, it has to be for my awesome friends and teammates.
In CPU, a large part of our coursework involves group projects. I've done quite a variety of things, opening an underwater hotel, presentation on superglue,creating a complex thingamajig that raises a flag, Shakespearean theater, you want a revolving theatre ? done that too bro. The key to success in these projects and i suppose life in general is, TEAMWORK and COMMUNICATION. Its gravely important to establish that connection between teammates. Rather than focusing on self-interest, always focus on the interest of the group in general. I admit, i am quite keen on controlling things and when i see people doing more than me, i just can't help but feel like a spectator not contributing a thing. However, throughout the projects i did realize that a team has many functions and rather than focusing on a single thing, do others. If one is building, one is troubleshooting. you should do something else, perhaps writing. managing.recording. motivating. hey ! motivating can be a job too you know. morale is especially important in a team. break the morale, break the team. Keep the morale, keep the faith, thus keep the goal in sight.

Throughout all my projects, i've always been very lucky to get very good teammates. My IB group with Jung and Sheng. Chem Team with Bee Li, Shiuh Sen, Mudin, Alvin. Calculus with Akmal and Aaron.Physics with Afiq and Akmal. English with Jiunn Sheng, Bee Li, Kar Yi and Alvin. If there is one thing i must say, it was that all my teammates worked so hard for the team and contributed a lot of ideas for the group. Everything just went so well. All those memories. All the moments. All the friendships formed and strengthened. All the laughs and tears. They were all worth it. Thanks guys :D


Another thing id like to touch on is how important friends are in CPU. It can bring either a positive or negative effect. I've seen how friends can make someone drown their own voice and become a follower. I've also seen how friends can drive a person to succeed and become his own person. It's really up to you, to follow the crowd or to carve your own path. Looking at how optimistic and passionate my friends were in what they did, it made me think, what did i want to do in life ? What was my goal in life ?

My friends were also a great source of knowledge and comfort. Having a confidante, a person whom you could tell anything was such a gift i didnt have in early high school. It was such a relief to let go of some steam, perhaps some frustrations, about assignments or other things. I suppose that in a way helped me cope with the high level of stress you experience in the course. The deadlines in the course are insane. On one day, you might have 2 quizzes and 1 final exam. The next day is your final ISU presentation. I literally was a mess of flesh and bones, didnt eat, didnt sleep properly. Thankfully, my friends were there for support, random joke here and there. It made the experience much more pleasant.

In terms of knowledge, I am thankful to have many of the brightest minds in Malaysia with me. Besides my teachers, i also have to thank my friends for teaching me as well. I was never short of help. Everyone was kind and willing to offer a helping hand. It is true as they say, the hand that gives is better than the hand that receives. One day, I hope to repay the kindness of all my friends. Thanks again guys :)

Day 2

Never underestimate the things you can learn in a supermarket

1. Applying logical fallacies.
Observe the said picture above. "Membantu anda berjimat". Helping you to save.Well, sure, Tesco is one of those wholesale brands that constantly brag about how cheap their stuff is.
However, thinking about it again, the statement itself is an appeal to the wallet. The advert is basically saying, 'save money, spend here'. Which in a way contradicts the whole idea of helping you to save because your gonna SPEND money anyway.

2. Mushrooms are actually from...............China (nowadays)
Ever since I was a child, my experience from mushrooms normally came from
a)Pizza Hut and Pizza places
b)Super Mario
Those 2 experiences alone has strengthened my belief that
no 1. Mushrooms are from Italy
no 2. Red ones make you grow, Blue ones make you shrink, while green ones give you a 1 up.

If you look real closely on the packaging of the cans themselves. Pretty much all those mushrooms came from China, which inevitably made me feel worried about ingesting the mushrooms. I may have been one mushroom away from being paralyzed for life.
Oh well, at least they taste good in Spaghetti Bolognaise (pardon, i dont speak pasta)


Programming is going pretty swell id say
Learned how to make my own calculator. Technicalities aside, programming is pretty straightforward. perhaps i havent been tested on the real hard stuff. But so far, its been pretty conventional. Nothing mindblowing just yet.

int ayam, babi, telur
std::cout <<"enter ayam" ;
std::cin>>ayam;

std::cout<<"enter babi" ;
std::cin>>babi;

telur = ayam + babi

std::cout << " telur is " << telur << std::endl;

return 0;

correct me if im wrong, which probably is because this was what i remembered

Happy Days :D

Day 1

Highlights of the day

• Waking up early and watching HIMYM ! It was one of my favourite episodes about Famous Last Words. Really insightful and makes you wonder what your last words to your loved ones would be

• Taking the bus to Taylors College during the rain and borrowing one big ass book about computer programming. For some reason, it was not as dumbfounding as i thought it would be. And it was quite interesting to read up on how the computer works. I think this just might work out

• Lunch with A&A. Persuaded them to try the Longan Milk. Complained how large the portion was. In the end, the jar was completely clear of longan and milk and everyone enjoyed the food.

• Went on public transport, realized that we stopped at one station where my mom had once dropped one of my previous maids. She was the first maid i had and she was really nice. I wonder what happened to her ?

• Ran a few rounds at the Kiara Park. Honestly felt a bit out of shape, leg was burning on the 2nd round. Did 10 push ups. Cumulatively 20 for the day. Will increase by 10 daily.

Currently reading up:
The Prince
Pearson's Computer Programing
Fallacies and Logic

Working To Do List :

1. Self Study Computer Science
2.Go out with as many people as possible
3.Double my reading speed
4.Brush up on chemistry
5.Understand what the hell and how the hell a spectrometre works
6.Work out and Exercise
7.Read up the Carnegie's and De Bono's
8.Prepare for Umrah and other things
9. Forgive, Forget and Smile

Post Mortem: Sem 2 (Part 1 of 2)

Jan 2011- June 2011

As a whole, I think this semester ended pretty well compared to the 1^st semester. I have to admit, after the blunders I had to face in the 1^st sem, I wasn’t really aiming that high. My target was just to keep my 90 and judging by how difficult my subjects were this year, I was not too optimistic about making the grade here in CPU.

So, let’s begin with the analysis

My target was really simple

Judging by how my colleagues and seniors kept saying

Calculus with Ms Foo “ Die lor “

Physics with Mr tan “ Good luck la bro”

I only wanted to survive this sem, doing well was another question altogether

So problems:

1. Coping with Teachers

I was supposedly ‘lucky’ to get Mr Wise, Mr Tan, Ms Foo. The 3 teachers are known for their strict assessment, hard exams and no nonsense attitudes. My heart literally skipped a beat when I saw the 3 names coming up on my timetable. It was a good thing though that I knew 2 out of 3 of them as Mr Wise and Foo were my past semester teachers, so at least I had a fair bit of knowledge on how to handle them, how they mark and how they work. I’ll be honest and say straight out that, these teachers are going to pummel you to the ground if you don’t know how to deal with them. Ms Foo can get pretty fiery in class, so it pays to have a hard shell on when dealing with her. When she screams, its not that she wants You to cry or anything, it’s just that she wants you to respond. She purposely puts obstacles and fear in front of your face to test how brave you are to walk into the realm of the unknown.

Mr Wise is a disciplinarian. He works using tried and true systems. For every unit, you must have a notebook and he would always prepare the teaching plan 6 months ahead so that we are all informed of what is coming ahead. Mr Wise is not a fan of messy and disorganized work (I was guilty of that a few times) . So make sure you try to get everything as neat and organized as possible, it’s worth the time. Believe me. Mr Wise also encourages independent thinking and open inquiry. If you don’t understand what’s taught in class, Mr Wise would be more than willing to give you a more detailed and clear description of what you learned in class outside of the classroom. Another thing, for me the most interesting part about Mr Wise’s classes is that, he does not spoon-feed you but rather guides you through the units your learning. He helps you conceptualize your thoughts so that they are logical and understood. In other words, being in Mr Wise’s class makes you a better thinker as he allows you the freedom to express your thoughts in a logical and concise manner. He made me smart :D whee !

Mr Tan is a man of many professions. He is awesome with the drums as he is awesome in the classroom. He looks more of a rockstar than a teacher, but believe me, listening to him was like listening to Mozart conducting his famous orchestras. He explains physics in such a way that even a 3 year old would understand and giggle, because he makes so much SENSE. You come out of his classes feeling like you understood the meaning of life and in doing so, waste countless hours youtubing quantum mechanics and the photoelectric effect. AND YOU ACTUALLY GET WHAT THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT. He empowers you with the belief that physics is actually accessible and even….. FUN :D. Do well for the quizzes, do as well as you can for the lab and rubey. Don’t screw up that badly for the unit tests, they are difficult but they are not impossible to answer. That’s a recipe for a 90 average right there.

2. Dealing with Schedules/ Time Management and General Management

Contrary to popular belief, I believe time is platinum, not gold now. What im saying is please, please, please manage your time wisely. Even Napoleon Bonaparte’s secret to winning his battles was down to time management

“The biggest flaw that my enemy can make is to disregard the value of 5 minutes in a battle” or something of that sort

Seriously,

In the bus

Read a book

Before bed,

Read a page of Life of Pie or Kepler’s Law

While tying your shoes,

Memorize the periodic table

In the toilet or shower

Memorize the ‘to be or not to be’ soliloquy

While Going down the lift

Explain simultaneity to a person right beside you

Time is of the essence, seriously

And please, keep your stuff organized. I literally flipped my house upside down to find one lost piece of assignment paper and that alone took me the whole night. So not only I wasted one night, I also lost time for other things such as eating and bathing 0_0.

So don’t waste time

It also helps to be a bit more proactive,

After class, it would also not kill to take some time and refresh what you learned in class. I tried it out for physics where while waiting for Banana Leaf to send the food up to my room( easily 20+ mins). For some reason, once you do refresh yourself with what you learned, it is a lot easier to remember at a later time. And boy, time flies here. You are going to have at least one quiz and one unit test once a week so you have to be on your toes with the knowledge you have.

3. Basic plan on how to deal with assignments and projects

A large bulk of your marks will come from ISU’s. ISU’s are independent study units, they are literally the bread and butter of this course. If you can get a 90+ for your project, your certain to get an 80% average at least for your final sem marks. For assignments which require teammates, focus on establishing team dynamics. The groups with the most balanced (you have an inventor, a builder and a planner) setting is the most likely to succeed in projects. Always consult with your teachers, they know a lot about these assignments and how to do well on them so always inquire and ask for advice.

That’s enough for today, at another time I’ll post my solutions or things that helped me cope in CPU at a later date.

Dad

Wise, Committed, and Loving

Those are the words that i would ascribe to my dad and i'm sure most of you would say the same as well about your dad

They've been there for the worst and in the best of times. They beat the shit out of us but for some reason, we always come back better as a result of it.

Personally, I consider my dad to be a polar opposite of me. He seems to have an endless supply of friends. I mean my mom and i would get so annoyed sometimes that even the guy parking his car beside ours is also his friend and they'd talk for more than 10 minutes.But it goes to show, my dad loves everybody. He cares about people. He considers everyone to be worthy of his time and attention and to that extent, is what i think makes him such a great man and dad.

Secondly, my dad is as close to Arsene Wenger as Arsene Wenger. He's Arsene Wenger in the sense that he keeps the purse string as tight as possible. He tries very hard to save the money he earns not only for himself but for us as well. As children, we don't really see the motive behind these things, but as my siblings and I grew older, it became clear to me why he had to cut a few things in our lives. He constantly reminds us to always Plan ahead. not just today and tomorrow but 10 , 20 years ahead. I know now that i wouldn't need a financial planner in the future, because that's why i have my dad for

My dad (and I suppose my brother and I) have a certain swagger for words. My brother calls my dad a 'sweet talker' and by observing many of his conversations and phone calls, I mean if you can sustain a meet and greet to a 30 min conversation with Teh Tarik on the side. I'd say your pretty good with words. My dad has this certain aura around him. He resonates optimism and charisma through his words and actions.

Another thing i learned from my dad is his humility. He drives a very nice car. Normally people equate driving big expensive car= rich jerk showing off. I admit i did believe this as well. But one time, when i was at the petrol station with my dad. I realized something. Regardless of what car he drives,his car, my sisters car or my brothers or a kancil or a myvi, he always takes the time to use those wipers to give the car a nice wiping. He appreciates and values the things he uses, he never neglects them like some other people who dont even wash their car at all and just pay a car wash company to wash it for them. For me, that was when i realized my dad actually very humble and down to earth.

And i suppose, the most awesome part about my dad is

" Its okay for you to say no " and "Sorry"

Comparatively to other families, i think my family is very open in the sense that nothing is a 'law' and nothing is forced upon us. He doesn't force us to be on his side. He merely just suggests us what he thinks is the best in our interest.He encourages to ask and argue with him so that he can elaborate his reasoning. He doesn't really enforce us to do anything, he just wants the best for us And if he knew he made a mistake, he himself would also apologize to us as well. My dad and mother both are against the idea of disowning children and they always say to us that regardless of anything, they will still love us no matter what. Even my dad admitted himself that he went against his parents as well but in the end it turned out well for him so why not us as well. It was then that i truly realized

That parents are not suppose to be a pain but rather they are just helping you succeed in life.That's all it is and that's all there is to it

I may not be the ideal child. and i may frustrate both of you sometimes. But let it be known that i am still in debt to repay your guidance and kindness and i intend to remain faithful to that promise

HAPPY FATHERS DAY PAPA

I'll try my best to get you that Porsche
someday

Love
Eddy

Note to self

If there was anything i had done in my life
Anything....

This. takes the cake

Free from fear and rejection

I may have not won the battle
But i came back with one thing better than victory

Self-esteem

Epiphany

Sudden Realization, Insight, A Clear Picture, A Life Goal

I was talking to my brother on the phone just now and it hit me

What do I really want ? What is my goal ? What do i want to do in the future ?

You see, i've always pictured myself in a suit sitting down on the 80th floor of a mega structure. Big mahogany table, large comfortable chair, a panoramic view of the city. As im sitting on the chair, a little voice in me starts talking

" Hey ! Hey ! have you saved the world yet ? "
" Hey ! Hey ! have you made a difference to the people around you ? "
"Hey ! Hey ! did you find your princess yet ? "

The third one was for fun, the first 2 were real though

In life, we sometimes think, i want to do this, i want to do that, i need this, i need that. But in truth, what is it THAT WE REALLY NEED.

Maybe it was just my own self expectation that convinced me that i should be an economist, banker, accountant or all these corporate jobs.

Or maybe is it just the feeling of wanting to stay in the same group as my family.

Well, 30 minutes after, a snack plate and a plate of cheesy wedges. I believe i found my calling

Its not about money, its not about prestige,
ITS ABOUT MAKING A DIFFERENCE

I WANT

• to be able to say to myself " I've done my absolute best in life, i've tried to help my fellow man and myself to become the best man i can be "
• to be able to say to my kids " I save people's lives "
• to alleviate the suffering of others
  
• to empower the lives of others so that they inspire a new bacth of people
• to live a fulfilling life

An engineer : An economist with a science degree

and thats what i shall keep in my head

A Confession

As much as i consider myself the product of one of the most craziest and most rewarding institutions this side of Malaysia. I cant help but get nervous about the future.

It seems hard to believe that in a few months time i'll be boarding a plane to god knows where and that'll be my home for the next 4 years.

I know im up for it, but its just so weird. I cant imagine how things will change here. How different will things be there compared to here. I have friends here. What will happen to them ?
What about my own self, What will become of me ?

Looking through some photos of my impending life there

IT JUST SEEMS SO SURREAL

Moving at the speed of light

Okay well not that fast. But close enough I'd say. I have 2 months left before the course ends and around 4 months to finish everything i have here and start anew somewhere else.

My thoughts should be in the present but i cant help but think of the future ahead.
Will I be alone ?
Would I be able to adapt there ?
Would I miss home ?
Would I have become more matured ?

I've realized something. Whenever I've left from one place to another. I've been lucky enough to always have a friend nearby for support. So I guess i probably have never really experienced the true meaning of isolation. The real feeling of looking around and really feeling like there's nobody there to talk to.

I wonder how it'll turn out

Sideshow Bob and The Return of the Sweeper

"Not since Gianfranco Zola popped up on these shores in November 1996 has a single individual made such an instant impact at our club" (Rowe)

He's fast, he's tall, he has curly hair.Dribbles like a Brazilian, Finishes like Ronaldo, Defends like Terry on steroids.

Brazilians are not known for their defensive qualities, they are mostly well known for their forwards and midfielders.

In hindsight, i thought this particular player was just another typical Brazilian defender, agile as a cat on the ball but clumsy like a giant on the tackle.

How wrong was I really

5 games in, with 2 shots and 2 goals and he's looking more sterling than the pound itself.

David Luiz is a defender by line-up, however his abilities far supersede that. He can run, he can pass, he can finish like any other winger, midfielder or striker.

Which brings me to today's post

The Return of the Libero or Modern Sweeper

The game has changed a lot in the last century. In 1940, it was all about catenaccio or park the bus and hit them on the break football. In 1980 it was total football . Now in the 21st century, football again has undergone a massive change. Before, a defender just tackles and clears balls, but now in the modern game, defenders have to offer a more attacking presence while still keeping the back line tight.

This type of player had existed before in the name of Franz Beckenbauer, also known as ' Der Kaiser' for his masterful attacking and defensive displays on the pitch. He's well known for inventing the role of the libero or modern sweeper, whose main duty was to take the ball from opposing forwards running on goal. A keen eye and almost telepathic reading of the game allowed Beckenbauer to literally pocket the ball from forwards. He had an aura about him, with his meticulous close control and dribbling, opposition defenders couldn't touch him on the ball. He had the flexibility of a gymnast, displayed by his last minute clearances. His boot was literally golden as he showed his tact for finishing, ending up with a goal tally of 60 goals in 430 games for Bayern Munich, his hometown club.

Comparing these 2 players, I believe that David Luiz represents the return of the sweeper or libero into modern football. With his last minute interceptions, acrobatic clearances, precision passing and striker's finishing. He is the Brazilian Kaiser.The boy needs to be more cautious in the tackle and possibly wear protection on his legs against those 'accidental' tackles but bearing that in mind, i have no doubt that the young lad is Mr Chelsea in the making

Interesting Links
http://www.cfcnet.co.uk/2011/03/23/i-want-curly-hair-too/

And of course some videos





And finally

Suck it United !

Life of SASER

Education is a big issue in most countries. In Malaysia, the people do not demand excellence, but rather they expect it. And judging by SPM results year after year, ill be politically correct to say yes we have been improving.

And i guess one of the reasons would be the idea of fully-residential schools (SBP) .True, it does contribute to this elitism which does stunt the growth of a standardized education, yet on the other side of the coin, year in and year out, it still produces a good number of talented and bright individuals that will play an important role in the future of our country.

That ends today's political discussion, lets have a flashback

Admittedly, i was a late inductee into Boarding School Life. The majority of SBP students had to endure 5 years of torment while my suffering was a fast tracked 2 year program. Yet I was amazed at how much 2 years in a boarding school can change your life, can change your perspective of things, change you physically and mentally.

Its only when your away from family and relatives, you realize just how important it is to be close to your family.Its only when your away from your old self (old habits and personality when you were in a daily school), that you are actually given a fresh chance to start a new life for yourself. I realized that I was as good as invisible in my old school, for some reason, perceptions of yourself and others have a strong influence in how you view yourself. If you think your useless, then you probably are. I guess this was what motivated me to change my landscape, move on and try something different. And just like how Robert Frost wrote in his poem 'The Road Not Taken' , it had made all the difference.

Being in a boarding school didn't make me lose any friends either, in fact i made a lot more and got a lot closer to some of them. The effect of being surrounded by friends 24/7 was a good thing in boarding school. You were never alone, when there was an exam, you would remember those days of frantic studying till the early morning with your friends.You would also remember the days of staying up late at night, texting, calling other school friends or just have a walk around school grounds at 3 am in the morning.

The camaraderie was the best part. You still remember your friends nicknames and forget their real one once you meet them outside school. The practical jokes and pranks you pull on your friends. Sharing your Dominoes, KFC and other fast food with classmates during the weekends or breaking fast. Screaming joy or crying dejection together during the Champions League Final or crucial top 4 matches in the EPL.

And who can forget the 'friendly' banter between the neighbours (wink wink) HAHA

Lets face it, teenagers will be teenagers. Teenage angst won over reason any day during those days. I bet when were old, this would be the biscuit for our tea or coffee breaks at work one day.

I will cherish these memories. Its already in my " Eddy's file of undeleteable stuff " on my laptop.I remember that time the teacher pouring water on me during class for falling asleep. I remember crying over that Final and a friend comforted me during assembly. And of course, who can forget the day we made our parents and teachers proud, completing a hat-trick of an award. We made history gentlemen. And for that, I shall forever remain thankful to this institution. For all its good and for all its bad. It made me who i am today and hopefully it made Malaysia a much better place :)

SM SAINS SEREMBAN Feb 2002- March 2011
Eddy Arief
7th Batch

I am a SASERIAN, and im proud to be one.

The Importance Of Stupidity

Lately i cant help but notice people keep posting on FB,
"Im so stupid "
"Why am i so stupid " and other stupid related statuses

So I was thinking what's wrong with being stupid ?

If anything, if I wasnt stupid i would not be smart
It is a paradox really

Think about it this way
If you didnt know you were stupid ( didnt know stuff) you would then realize and learn something new wouldnt you ?

Being smart involves being stupid, if Thomas Edison thought he was stupid from failing 1800+ times to design a lightbulb. We would all probably be using candles still.

If Colonel Sanders ( im hungrynow) thought he was stupid after failing countless times to get the perfect mix of spices in his chicken, KFC would not have existed and to some extent, i think everyone would be much healthier but nevermind that

Heres the thing :

Its okay to be stupid. Like seriously, dont be afraid that you dont know something, or you dont know how to solve something, or you dont have a nice pick up line to get chicks. Admit that you dont and start learning instead, dont let these 6 words determine how you think and how you react to things, you are your own captain.

My Wise English Teacher once said,
" Its only when your in the realm of stupidity , in the unknown, thats when you begin to learn new things "


So lets get stupid everyone !
So that we may all become much smarter later


* i learned that you dont need pick up lines to get chicks, hi works just as good too :)

Of Future, Marriage and Children

Im worried

Eventually, there comes a time in everyone's lives where these questions pop out in mind
How will I turn out in the future ?
Will I ever marry ?
If I do, how will I raise my children ?

As said on the last post, my research topic for this year is manliness.What makes Homer J Simpson more of a man than Peter Griffin in terms of parenthood and child rearing ? What makes Atticus Finch the Machoest (you get the idea here) man around compared to somebody like Alfie Elkins, who is not only macho but is also contracting a few veneral diseases ?

As a child born in the late 20th century, im confused with a lot of things. Im confused with people, Im confused with society, heck im even confused whether if its pronounced 'tamato' or 'tomatoe'. In today's times ,its downright hard for people to find themselves.There are just too many voices around

To be a man you must:

Get a girlfriend to prove your mature

Get a scholarship to prove your independent

Conform with these so called "unwritten rules of manliness" created by pretentious celebrities and money driven media monsters which honestly destroy the essence of man itself

(POINT IS)

Its tough to live today already

SO

WHAT ABOUT TOMORROW ?

Imagine, the things we take for granted today, food,water, shelter, friends, family, youtube,facebook. basically the necessities of life (im being politically incorrect here).As a realist, the outlook of the world is looking pretty bleak id say . With an ever increasing population, the only way prices are going is UP . Which means, more and more people will have less food, which also means more people will starve. With the threat of global warming, i may have to engineer myself my own habitat to protect my family from UV sunlight and make a floating house to make sure my house doesn't sink during floods.

Also, because of this thing called TV or HDTV and cable if you want to be politically correct, people are losing their minds. well not really, just their thoughts and opinions.As much as it broadens our horizons, it also narrows our thinking, as much as it keeps our time occupied it wastes our time as well, as much as it makes us dream it also makes us procrastinate and not make that dream a reality.

This is just the current outlook of things yeah. I cant imagine how it might turn out in the future. I dont even want to think about failing in my studies or not getting a job. I know now how important the future is, not only for me, but also for my family, society and everybody

I can only sincerely hope my children will live in a better world than me. The current world we live is too much, just too much to handle i think. Too many things going on at once, its like waiting at a T junction on the road and seeing the traffic lights alternate between red, yellow and green at the same time. Its bound to infuriate, confused and even harm others and ourselves.

I will try my absolute best to raise my children in the best way possible. I hope to emulate my dad in some cases, through his patience ,wisdom and financial security. I would also like to adopt an Atticus Finch style of raising children. The quiet, wise yet firm father, who would do anything for the best of his children.Who teaches through examples rather than blanket statements with no mattress underneath.I will try my best to learn as much as i can, so that one day i'll be able to help them in their time of need.I will ensure that they become readers and thinkers before i give them TV or anything else before that.

Sometimes i wonder
What is my real goal in life
To live my dream of being a consultant engineer ?

or

To live for my family ?

decisions.decisions

The Future Really Truly is NOW guys
Carpe Diem

Defining Man

Part of the experience in Canadian Pre University is that we dont only study from books, we are also given the autonomy to carry out our own research and present our findings . This is called the Independant Study Unit. It's a third of our final grade and its by far one of the most interesting aspects of this program.

Chemistry requires us to carry out research on a particular chemical substance and present them like food in a food fair. Physics wants us to make a Rube Goldberg . If you dont know what a Rube Goldberg is, find out now, happiness is only 15-20 steps away.Its a machine that does a very simple thing ( kick a ball, ring a bell, shoot an arrow ) from a multitude of steps. It requires a lot of teamwork and creativity. Its basically an engineers plaything like how doctors play with bodies in the morgue.

And then we move on to one of my favourite subjects this semester . English. For some reason, in school i thought of english as a very dry subject. You listen, you memorize, you throw up answers on a paper and the teacher gives you a mark. Not the case in CPU here. The English course here requires you to think and explore a lot more. Not only in just literary scriptures like Hamlet or Macbeth, but through a multitude of other sources such as movies and youtube videos. We are given tools to analyse poems such as the mnemonic IT ADS which really means
Iambic
Trochaic
Anepastic
Dactylic
Spondaic

This is the sound of the poem. it is used to indicate when do we stress and when do we say the word in a normal tone

We are also taught about literary criticism
A criticism is your opinion of the poem . It does not have to be bad. We learn a bit of Freud's theory id,ego and superego to make an analysis of the poem through the psychological aspect. Another criticism is gender or feminist criticism. You put on your man or women caps and think, how does the significant other think of this poem ? does this poem tell the gender roles as it is, or are they exaggerated ? if so, why is this the case? Next criticism is post-structuralism or what id like to call " Poet and English Majors who love to debate and have nothing better to do " This methods principal belief is that a tree is not just a tree, it symbolizes something. So, these people analyze the poem word by word to get a better meaning of the context its written to . You can criticize the ambiguity of statements such as:

while she lies
sleeping.

That can mean
1)she's lying
2)she's aloof and doesnt care
3)she really is asleep

Now back on topic. HAHAHAHA

For my ISU this semester, im interested in exploring what makes a man a man ?
i'll be doing 2 books
A Portrait of the young artist as a young man
and
Catcher in the Rye ( nice book, get the t-shirt)

So id like to get some of your opinions here too

What makes a man a man ?
Must a man be ruthless and vicious to be a man ? (Santino Corleone)
Cunning and conniving ? (Macbeth )
Brave and fearless ? (Christopher McCandless)

So many interpretations, so little time

The Economics of Love

Love like all the other over the counter emotions. you know sadness, anger, depression, euphoria. They come and work their magic like any other medicine. leaving you a bit bitter, down, sometimes even more sick too.They all occupy the vast range of human emotion. one minute you can feel as if your walking on air talking to that special someone, then the next minute you feel like you want the world to just swallow you whole so you dont have to man up and talk to that someone.

For this post, id like to take sometime to explore my own thoughts of this particular emotion.

Statement 1: Relationship like Darwin's Theory is evolving

This is out of my own experience, but i get this vibe that our generation is changing the dating habit. Relationships now are more centralized meaning to say, gender roles dont seem to play much of a role today. This is proven by how social networks like Facebook, Myspace and friendster play a very important role in forming the base of relationships . During the early 90's and 80's, people actually did confront a girl head on,now instead people usually just text or use facebook to contact a girl/guy. So from this case, i think its easier for both genders to easily approach each other. You can easily traverse all those barriers you know, social stigma,race, religion, oceans and what have you.It simplifies everything. the only thing you need to do is write something remotely smart and learn how to press send. SIMPLE

Statement 2: The loss of manliness and chivalry

First off, i think of myself as a traditionalist when it comes to relationship. I believe that man have to be men and step up . If your not gonna show yourself, who will. As good as technology has been, personally i love watching football in HD just as the next Arsenal, United fan but seriously, we've become too dependent on text messaging, social networks and all these alterego's to mask our flaws that we are just too fragile beings.a rejection through facebook or through the phone is not as painful as a direct rejection straight to the face. But then, why run away from it ? if its not meant to be, then it just wasnt. As men, we should not sit down and cry on the sidewalk, whats done is done. The next thing to do is to learn from the things that went wrong, find out what worked, move on and keep smiling.

Every relationship has its lesson and significance.The moment you stop developing relationships, you stop learning and loving others. Sad thing really

Randy Pausch said, " Everyone has their good side, you just have to be patient and keep looking " and as an extension of that " when you do find that goodness in them, thats when you've truly become a human, learning to accept the flaws of others and still find the beauty in them.

What better love than compassion for your own kind

"Its All About Believe"

For best result, play song and video simultaneously

Dont get me wrong, im a chelsea fan through and through. however above all else, i am a football fan

This to me, is the MOST INSPIRATIONAL VIDEO EVER. Take the song and the video together and for some reason, the lyrics and commentary just jive in perfect harmony.

I keep repeating this video time and time again, and everytime i do, i get goosebumps listening to the song and video.

it just leaves with you this euphoric sense of optimism
hey if they could score 2 minutes in the final while 1 nil down, whats stopping you from living your dreams right

I remember while during the PMR exams, i would open the computer early in the morning around 6 am to specifically listen to this video and song. it was just

AH-MAY-ZING

"NAME ON THE TROPHY !!!!! "

"AND SOLSKJAER HAS WON IT !!!

"MANCHESTER UNITED HAVE REACHED THE PROMISED LAND !!! "

" CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE, CHAMPIONS OF ENGLAND, WINNERS OF THE FA CUP, EVERYTHING THEIR HEARTS DESIRE !!! "

" DOWN AND OUT, NONE OF IT !!, THEY ARE NEVER OUT !!! "


TIME TO MAKE IT HAPPEN !

BLOODY HELL, FOOTBALL

I wish life were an Ice Rink

For 18 years of my life, I admit that im not that hardcore of an explorer that i thought i was.

It was last month that for the first time in a while that i had been thrown in the deep end of things. To be forced to 'wing it' with absolutely no exposure to the thing whatsoever. Ice skating is painful, tedious and stressful yet at the same time euphoric, addictive and fun.I never really got why people found ice skating so addictive, it was only after trying that i found the reason why. You get this sense of speed and sense of freedom never experienced before. Imagine an almost frictionless ground and your gliding across it like a swan (i was more of an elephant than a swan .haha . but nevermind ) . Its probably like walking on air.

But,
When you fall, it becomes clearly evident who owns who here . If i got a dollar out of everytime i fell on the ice, i could be able to buy a pretzel or two.

(keynote address)
Everytime i did fall on the ice, i noticed people around the side would always come by and help me up . It wasn't just a one time thing, it happened constantly. People would fall like flies on ice and soon, a few people would come by and help you up. So it made me think, why cant we all live on an ice rink. No ones trying to outdo the other, everyone just trying to have fun. And when a brother or sister falls on the ice, people come by regardless of who you are and just try to bring you back to your feet. It was an eye opening experience. See, we're not that greedy and mean to each other. we do care for others.

It made me think, why cant life be like an ice rink. everyone's coexisting peacefully, no problems whatsoever.we're all just trying to get by in this slippery world.

You'll Never Walk Alone

Generally , i see myself as a liverpool fan as much as i see myself as a fan of Narnia or Rapunzel which is not really that much

But you know , there's a meaning behind that century old statement of theirs.

The world is a large place, filled to the brim with people with different interests and ambitions.As much as we feel alone or isolated in our cause , there are more people out their just like us.

In a population of people in the whole world, theres bound to be more than 1 person that may have
1.an identity crisis
2.a self-worth deficiency
3.an irrevocable fear of all things in the future
all at the same time

Its down to you i guess, to
1. make a connection with them
2.share their experiences
3.learn from them

We sometimes get extremely depressed and bogged down in our situation and lives that we sometimes dont consider the perspective and situation of others.Once we learn and share our experiences, you don't feel so alone anymore.

And from there is when we all walk and work together.

A Blessing in Disguise ?

Back in Casa and the only thing i have to say is ...

LOVING IT !

back to the search for self and independence

living my life on a day to day basis.

and

the feeling of being free again

its exhilarating and at the same time, almost a chore

I realised something. After getting my new timetable, i cringed looking at who my lecturers were. Cringing ?!! not because they looked horrible or anything, but the fact that they were the so called 'hard' lecturers. the lecturers who students say purposely or find joy in bringing down the hopes of their students. demoralizing and breaking them down into the mixed up mush us teenagers cum adults are anyway.

I asked myself why ?

was my average like that last semester because i had the 'easy' teachers or was it because i worked hard for it.

i feel worried really. were my teachers really just nice or did i pull my weight ?

i keep hearing what people say " oh she/he's very strict , dont expect to do well " and as much as i hate to say it . i actually did start to believe in this. Considering that for one

1. experiences are shaped by how we react to things . if you expect good marks from mediocre effort. then how can you that translate together. will mediocre =good .surely not in many places. it should be maximum=good or heart= good.

2.experiences are subjective. for example, between liverpool and manchester united . if liverpool scores against united . liverpool fans are happy, united are frustrated and its the same case vice versa. it really depends on which side your on.

3.people your close to have more influence over you over others . if a random person tells me MCD is bad with a sad story . i wouldnt care. however, if my cousin or close friend were to say mcd was bad with a bad experience. i might hate MCD too . we tend to trust people who we know over longer periods over others who we dont know at all

thinking about it. is this a blessing or a blunder for me ?

can i pull myself to where i wanna be or do i still need a float to keep myself from sinking ?

is this really necessary ?

Lets Fly

rocketeer-far east movement

Exactly one year from now (hopefully), i'll be living in a new country.I'll be living a life of a journeyman, scholar, adventurer.

Just a week left before college starts and to be perfectly frank, im getting worried. worried about my future, my grades, everything if you will. so many things to think about, im thinking endlessly everyday , how to get everything right. how to get everything just perfect. its very very draining and stress inducing.

Ive been preoccupying myself with lots of reading and i cant help but to share with you guys this book titled INTO THE WILD by John Krakauer. I heard of this from a friend of mine before, but at the time i was interested in other things. Now with the free time i had i was able to watch the movie and buy the book.

The story is about Christopher McCandleless. He was an ivy league graduate, graduated with all A's in his final examination in Emory University.I bet he sounds pretty amazing to some of you right now.Then comes the amazing story, with all the money he had(around 24 thousand US dollars), he donated all of them to Charity, left his family and hitchiked across the US to live in the wild in Alaska. To me, i was thinking what could motivate this guy to such a degree that he would leave his family, donate all his money and just wing it into the Alaskan Ice.

On one side, people criticized his attitude. His apparent lack of responsibility towards his family, no father or mother would want to see their child run away from them. His escapist nature of running away from his family problems. He could have handled it so much differently, yet he still preferred running away over other options.He was also seen as the fantasy idealist, the I-can-do-anything-attitude-without-the-humility.For his journey, he hitchiked alone, used very little supplies and very little money to get from one place to another.

However, on the other side of the coin.
How many of you have lived your life to the fullest extent ?
How many of you have canoed from one country to another ?
How many of you have really experienced human relationships, not just a typical hey bob ! how you doing ? but real heart to heart conversation, unburdening yourselves to others
How many of you would have foregone all the conveniences we have to truly experience living in this beautiful world we have ?

"You are wrong if you think Joy emanates only or principally from human relationships.God has placed it all around us.It is in everything and anything we might experience.We just have to have the courage to turn against our habitual lifestyle and engage in unconventional living "

To live life on the other side. To live life to the best of our abilities. To live without having a slightest ounce of regret or fear.

We must be daring in our lives. For if we do not dare to change, then how do we dare to live


The movies on DVD . Though it might be a bit tricky to get the book, i had to go to Kino to find it

But yeah,

Lets Live Guys !

Cruel Intentions

Personally, i have never been much a movie buff. But, im starting to get that movie addiction thing going on right now.

I just finished watching Cruel Intentions, and i must say it blew me away.It explores the very very dark side in all of us. The hedonistic, the inner beast freud must have been talking about in his books.

To make the synopsis brief, its a story of how brother and sister have a wager on whether the brother could seduce another girl before college starts. its set in new york circa 1990. the themes explored were mostly love, manipulation, deceit and seduction. im guessing this movie was probably the idea behind the tv show gossip girl.

The central was mostly about love and its many forms
The brother Sebastian Velmont is a sort Barney Stinson or Alfie Elkins archetype. All of them have the same similar traits, charming, handsome and most important of all, this convoluted level of morality.It isn't a surprise that all of them also have the same flaw, women.They keep seducing one woman after another, showing no remorse and continue doing so, which further makes you question

1) is seduction = love
I think it is old wisdom to perceive love as a one dimensional thing . Love can be represented in many ways, men and women today buy Blackberries, BMW and expensive Gucci/ Rolex watches to give to their significant others, however does this mean that they love their significant other ?, or are these people replacing love with other material things ?. The premise would sound like this

B thinks she is not appreciated by A
A buys B an expensive watch
Because its expensive, B considers the act of buying the watch as an act of love
B reciprocates love to A

So its this material thing keeping the love going on between one another.

Which leads to the 2nd question

Shouldn't love be unconditional in nature ?

This was a question that was answered in the movie

Through the movie we can see a relationship is developing between Sebastian and Annete. Annete was the conquest and Sebastian was suppose to just seduce her. In the end, he ended up loving her. This love was finally proven at the end where
Sebastian bravely pushed Annete out from an oncoming taxi, sacrificing himself for her.So in the end, this sort of hedonistic ,false love grew to become unconditional true love.

All in all, Good won

I can't get Bitter Sweet Symphony out of my head now.

So What Do You Want to Be or Do When You Grow Up ?

Myers-Briggs: An ABC guide for the uninitiated

So What Do You Want to Be or Do When You Grow Up ?


This is the same haunting question that we were asked when we were 7 years old in grade school and im positive 11 years on ( some maybe longer), myself and you the reader are still unsure on how to answer that question.

Im sure Einstein couldn't answer that too when he was 18

Im positive he didnt go:

"Hmm, I vant to discover the theory of relativity and make nuclear bombs"

Maybe he said this instead

" I vant to get laid "

It was probably the latter anyway ! XD

But nonetheless, the future is a very scary thing. Can you imagine, today you might be writing on your blog. 10 years on, you might be sitting on top of an oil platform drilling for black gold or perhaps going on an elevator 200 stories up (were in the future remember) to sit on your massive mahogany chair opening up your email to find out you have meeting at Mars and your company has given you their company space ship to go there. A guy can dream can't he

Ze Great Sun Tzu once said
" If you know yourself, in a hundred battles, you will never lose "

Hence, the article im writing now

What is this Myers Briggs and how does it relate to my life ?

Here is the 411 guys, basically myers-briggs designed this whole system to catalogue humans based on their preferences( ill elaborate on preferences later). How to sort out the Hitler's, Barrack's and Najib's so you dont have to go through the whole electoral process to find out. HAHA. Its a simple premise, for 18 years of living, we all have a set of beliefs or a set of preferences when we're doing something.This test will help you find out what you PREFER .Im emphasizing on this because this test will NOT MEASURE YOUR ABILITY TO DO SOMETHING. its just telling you what you like to do in certain situations and hopefully help you pick out what you might like to do in the future

To make it easy ill gave an example of one type. In the Myers-Briggs test you can get 16 different types from 4 pairs of preferences or types

Extraversion or Intraversion (Where you get your energy and how you use it )
Sensing or Intuition (how do you get information)
Thinking or Feeling ( how do you make a decision)
Perceiving or Judging ( decision-averse or decider)

Say, you did a test and your an ENTP

Extraversion VS Intraversion (Energy)

The first letter, E represents how you get your energy. An E gets his energy from his surroundings, he sees things, acts on it, reflects and then further acts on it. E's are the so called action people . The E is a jack of-all traits and master of none if you will

An I by contrast gets energy from inside, for an I, action involves an expansion of energy to the surroundings. I's typically, reflect, act and reflect some more. I prefers a narrow but deep understanding of things

iNtuition VS Sensing ( Information gathering)

Example :

You have a maths project and you need to create your own combined function

to an N he sees it as
time to create my own formula ! lets research the history and work our way up ( N like to make links between theory and jump into applications)

while an S might see it as
Lets look at some real-life applications and see how it works out ( An S works the other way around deriving from real-life to theory)


Thinking or Feeling ( Making decisions)

Example

Your the boss of a company, and you have to get rid of some workers

A T might go
What are the pros and cons ? What are cost, benefits, opportunities that await me? ( Generally T's consider the reason section first before going into human factors)

A F might say
What will happen to the morale of the company, after i fire these people ? Will the existing workers still want to stay after i fire these people ? How might it affect the people around me ( A F or feeler is empathetic and considers the needs of the people around him before considering the cost and loss aspect)

Perceiving Vs Judging ( decision-averse or resolute decision-maker)

A P is a person that likes to absorb information. If possible P's just loves to absorb information and not have to make a decision if possible. P's prefer to have an open ended approach to decision making ie. ( if you make a wrong decision, you can easily change the decision)

A J however is the more organized type. When faced to make a decision, the J faces it head on, makes the decision and moves on. J's are very resolute in their decisions and dont take a second look at it unless they absolutely have too.

Time to clear some misconceptions

#1 Just because you get ENTP or something does not mean you are forever or are one in the first place. The MBTI measures type not trait. Your preference not your nature in a situation. This personality test is very relative. Say in your family you are ENFP, at work you might be an ENTP. It all depends on the circumstance your in

#2 Just because your an E does not mean you are not an I as well. The test only measures your preference over another when your in a certain situation.If your only 55% E , your also 45% I . This nature also changes according to the situation, maybe when your hanging out with your guy mates or girlfriend your an E, maybe when your alone your an I.

#3 No type is better than the other. It may sound nice to be 1% or 5% of the population, however it does not mean anything in the real world. As an example, both the INTJ and ENTP play important roles in the society, the same as the ISFJ, INTP and the other 12 types. The J is the one good at making decisions while the P is good at creating ideas. We all depend on each other. Big Hug !

#4 Myers-Briggs stated that we use all the 4 types (Sensing,Intuition,Judgement and Perceiving) according to circumstances. The difference is which are we more confident in using.Maybe your dominant type is Extroverted Intuition. You still have your auxillary,tertiary and inferior types. In other words, if your not good at one aspect you can always improve the other to suit your needs.So for those people who keep asking

Can I Be A Doctor?
Can I Be A Lawyer?
Can I Be An Engineer?

The right question should be

What type of Doctor?
What kind of Lawyer?
What type of Engineer ?

If its one thing i learned, its that doctors, engineers and lawyers dont have a preset.It doesn't say in the Doctor's Oath that you need to score a 100% in all your exams and know how to do a heart bypass.It's all up to you to fit you into the mold. You determine who you want to be, nothing else will

Carpe Diem !!
Seize The Day



Anyone interested to find out their personality type

http://www.careertest.net/


EAZ